Saturday, March 26, 2011

all I really want to do

Mia tip-toed carefully through the little Prairie Schooner. Hayden was finally asleep. She hoped.

Maybe this time she'd really do it. Run away. She'd find Liam and maybe she would go to college and it would be a new beginning. Yet, she knew the reality would be a terrible ending. Hayden would go off the deep end. Smack her. Maybe even knock her out cold.

He'd done it before. He could be brutal. But it would be worth it...if she got away.

Of course, she listened to his little stories. How he had to protect her. How she needed him. Even now.

"But isn't that what a big brother does?" She asked before. But he shot her down quick, that she was his and no one elses.

She knew he'd never listen to her. How he needed to let her go. How she needed to find her own way. Not his way. As it was they lived in an old trailer behind an old truckstop. She worked for tips, and he worked at the gas station when he felt like it.

Why couldn't it be better? Who was he really hiding from?

If only she had a backbone, she thought. She wanted to. She very well wanted her own life. Not this. This was hell. Possibly. But then again, she knew it could be worse. It was just, she wanted to smile again. She'd found her smile with Liam.

He was so funny in a goofy kind of way. Really, she hadn't meant to hurt Hayden. It was just this chance to be happy. Why did she have to belong to Hayden?

She argued with Hayden in her dreams. She would say things like, "I don't belong to you! I'm not your slave! I deserve better!" But she couldn't make herself say these things to him. Because a little of her thought, she might be the only thing left that might make Hayden human.

Just what was he really running from?

But she walked by him carefully, edging through the moonlight. Yet, she was caught in his grasp before she got to the door.

"I don't think so." He whispered. His hand wrapped around her throat. "What do I have to do? To make you see, we have to stick together."

She gasped for air then. His hand clinched tighter. A part of her thought this was it. It could very well be it. Next thing she knew he was pouring some cough syrup down her throat. She coughed even more from the burn inside her throat. Tears emerged as she tried to breath once more.

"Now go to sleep. I need sleep." He pushed her down in the bed then. She looked up at his face in the moonlight. She knew exactly what he was then. Her keeper who could take her out, anytime he wanted.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

such great heights

"How about a movie?" Beck said it like a breath of fresh air. It was still daylight out. They could sneak into a cheap matinee. He'd been dreaming of kissing Liam, actually. It would have felt right too, but Liam, just never would stick his tongue in, properly. Beck still imagined how it could be..if it really happened. Perhaps, it could really happen in the dark, during a movie.

"What?" Naturally, Liam was in another world. Still, thinking about that damn careless girl who probably played boys like cards. She wasn't coming back. Beck knew it was just a one night stand.

"You know, that fucking movie about the fairy tale." Beck winced.

"Why would you want to see it?" Liam looked at Beck in disgust who was still at his laptop.

"I dunno..all those pretty.." Beck almost said pretty boys. "people. Don't you like that Amanda chick? Well, she's all sexy in it." Naturally, he was thinking of pretty men in tights with swords. He almost fretted an innocent laugh.

"You want to go out to a movie at a time like this?" Liam just about lost it before he flung himself on the bed again.

"Come on." Beck went to him. "Can't let the world see you lose it like this, man." The movie house was only a block away. If they hurried, no one would see them. They could sit in the back. He hadn't money for pop and a bag of corn, but he could get them in at the matinee fee.

"All right." Liam was reluctant to go. Beck grabbed their coats.

Even while on the walk there, Liam was looking for her.

"Would you stop it! Please." Beck glared at Liam.

"I know, I'm sick of it, myself. She's-she's like a disease." He acted as if he didn't want to live.

"You've, been crying over her?" He thought he would have noticed. But he saw how red his eyes were in the daylight.

"Yes." Liam was in a pout.

"Jesus, you really are a fucking ass. Where's your backbone?" Of course, Beck knew this was no way to seduce his friend. Now he was going to have to think. Really, to make this work.

They took their seats just as the previews were coming to an end.

"Maybe I could find a look alike, you know." Now Liam was being brave.

"Yeah, you do that man." Beck smirked, leaning back in seat. He kept his eye on Liam. If only he knew how he could get Liam over this girl. He bit his bottom lip in thought. Just then the movie started. Beck was pretty sure of it. This movie was so damn bad, that it was fun to laugh at.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

into oblivian

Liam thought he might still be drunk, thinking of Mia. It had been days. He guessed. It was like a dream now. Every thought always came back to her.

He could be at the laundry mat, and think he saw her. But of course it wasn't.

After awhile, it was a sick feeling in his gut. He didn't know what to do.

"I'm never going to see her again." He yelped as if everything had been taken away from him and only Beck was there to witness it.

"Well, you got me." Beck, oddly enough, gave him a hug. And he didn't let go. Of course, Liam did actually cry tears for a few minutes.

"This is new." He finally pushed Beck off him.

"Is it?" Beck was suddenly cold then. As if some other personality had quickly took over and went into hiding.

Beck returned to his desk and his lap top. He seemed chained there. "You really need to get over the bitch." Beck said as if not to him, but perhaps to himself as he stared into the page of the Internet, waiting for him to note another picture.

"Beck, I need to know who she is." Lian stood there by his plastic bag of clean clothes.

"Then call the police, why don't you? That's their sort of thing, now isn't it?" Beck shrugged as if he might be a monk of some kind.

"I dunno." Liam was bitter, trying to think if he got her number right, or not. He just couldn't think..but to just see the word THINK in huge letters in his mind.

"God, you are an idiot." Beck sighed. Liam was beginning to think he had the worst roommate in the world.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

never let you go

Who's the bad ass now?

The voice carried inside Hayden, but he didn't let it get to him. He smoked his cigarette, ignoring the aggravation inside him. It lived inside his head. Usually, he never let it take over because he always did what he was told. But he wasn't gonna do anything bad to Mia. Not yet. Anyway.

So the cigarette light burn was a bit more nasty than he thought it would be. Funny, how that happened. But still, he wasn't gonna feel bad about it. He just couldn't. She should be used to this by now. He'd burned her hair once, but that was just an accident.

Smoking and making out, do not mix.

But of course, someone laughed at him. The voice that carried like a voice over a  narrative when you hear the beginning of a tale in a movie, or tells you how it ended. It was Hayden's secret. No one needed to know he heard a voice. It wasn't just any voice. All right, sometimes, he did try to fight back. He did when he was a kid, because the voice got him in so much damn trouble. Well, it was foster care. Even so. Hayden was there when it was alive and.... well, it had made him watch at the stop of the staircase. The last home he really knew where he had a mom and dad.

He remembered the blood. On their faces. The wall splattered with specks of rain. He tried not to look. But he couldn't take his eyes off about what was there. The stare, like a zombie. And then he saw Evil as he would come to know. The mass of darkness put his fore finger to his lips to tell Hayden to be quiet. If he were quiet, he'd let him live. Hayden just didn't know then, he'd have to be trapped in the attic for the next few days to come. The stench of death, all around. Hayden was so sure he would be next to go. But then Evil came back for him.

Evil had a large face. Almost of a giant. Hayden thought of him now as an acne eaten faced creature with long dark hair who didn't speak much English. He was truly the boogie man. And Hayden went with him, walking days it felt like, among the corn fields of Kansas. They'd find farm houses while the people were out, and Hayden remembered stealing white bread and jars of peanut-butter. Something for the road. He'd drink beer with Evil, smoke cigarettes too. He almost felt close to him. Almost. Because the rest was history. Evil liked to make history when he felt like it.

Sometimes, Hayden would stay at the library while Evil did his misery. Hayden would find a quiet corner, try his best to learn to read on his own. He knew a little. He wasn't completely illiterate. So he had time for books and math. Then Evil would come for him. He'd watch Evil have a bloody steak at a nearby truck-stop. He never asked for much from Evil. Hayden kept his mouth shut mostly, buying his time, he guessed.

By the time he was ten, it might have been too late. It started when a woman saw how filthy his hands were at a grocery store when he touched a bright red apple. She pointed to Evil. She swore she'd seen his poster at the Post Office. What was a man like him doing with a blue-eyed little boy? Something was wrong.

Evil didn't stick around long. They fled on foot. Took the alley ways and before Hayden knew it, they were back in a corn field in the middle of no where. This time though, something was happening to Evil, who dropped between the rows like an injured plow horse.

It puzzled Hayden at first. This was not good. He wasn't sure how to react. He put his hand on Evil's chest. Evil grabbed his hand intently.

"Never let me go." He was out of breath.

"What?" Hayden didn't want to know what he was talking about, but he had a good idea what he meant.

"You have to stay with me." His face, long and dark, perhaps that of a warrior. Maybe the face of Crazy Horse.

"I don't want to die." Hayden fought back tears, bitterly.

"I know." His words were so solemn. "I will be with you. Always."

Hayden shook his head. He tried hard to pull his hand from Evil's.

"I will help you. Listen to me. Without me, you will fail." His voice burned through Hayden as a truth he couldn't let go of. He had never felt more alive after Evil's last breath. He ran then. He was on the run now.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

to suffice

Hayden always told her she was never very bright. Mia guessed she wasn't. He caught her. She was back in his grasp. Why had she came back?

"You don't own me." Mia's face tensed. All she'd ever wanted was to get away from him. But the truth was..he was the one she knew. He was the only one who really knew her. Or so he said. But she couldn't think it true.

There was a time when Hayden had been her hero. After all, he was the one who saved her from that car crash. Dragged her from the wreckage before it exploited along with everything she ever had. She wasn't even sure if her real name were even Mia. But Hayden was the one she relied on. He'd taken her to the hospital. Claimed her to be his. And his only, evidently.

She pressed her lips tight.

"Why don't you forget about him?" Hayden's glare was so cold. It was as if she'd said too much, already.

She thought hard of the night that had been. Hayden was a no show at the party. It had been freedom in a sense. Not being under his thumb. And she'd found the boy at the edge of the mayhem, holding a long neck beer with a slight smile. She'd never seen anything quite like him before. It felt as if he were from another world. Funny, he'd said the same exact thing to her. He was reluctant to dance with her. But the crowd grew old. She still wanted to dance with him. Just not at the party.

So they'd taken a walk down the street in the crisp air. Dark all around. Just the streetlight to illuminate their presence. His smile was so genuine. He made her laugh with no reason. It was a soft laugh, one that lingered. They held hands, and he let her lead the way. All the way to the old house on the corner.

"I think someone was killed here." She shocked even herself when she said it. She laughed then as if it were a joke, but she wasn't sure.

"What?" Liam smiled. She kissed him as if she'd missed him, and this place to. She knew it. She did. Evidently.

So they went in. Just the luster of the golden street light to help them along. "Come on." She pulled him toward the stairs. Raced up the old staircase as if she'd show him. Everything. But she reached for a kiss and he gave it to her as if he were in for the night, forever perhaps.

"This used to be my room." But there were dead leaves on the floor. She had to wonder where the leaves came from. The sheer curtains remained untouched. And there was a bed. Even if it wasn't much of one. No sheets. No pillows. Just the raw mattress waited on the floor.

"Wow," Liam breathed in the room. It was like she'd put him under some spell. He was a lost puppy that needed her affection. He wanted to stay with her.

"There are...ghosts here." She was sure of it. Maybe she was one too. It was so cold. So stifling cold, in fact. She didn't want to be sad about it.

"Ghosts?" Liam looked around as if he might spot one, any moment. But instead, she touched the small of his back, and she thought he might cave in on her.

"Oh..." He turned to see, it was her, and he was still smiling to her satisfaction. They kissed. and  she unzipped his hoodie, it was the first of much unzipping, but it was a slow process because he was there as if he knew this dance, except with his clumsy steps. She showed him. Where the hands should be placed and what came next. There was a moment she was sure he started without her, but he didn't.

She wanted to remember it well. He was quite possibly the best she ever had. There was still an ache for him in her heart. Mia's eyes shot open as she looked at Hayden. Now. There in the front seat of his rundown Black Mustang. His eyes were so angry. There was no smile on his face. He reached for the car cigarette  lighter as he grabbed her hand, and opened the nakedness of it.

A fierce pain took hold of her by surprise. Mia flinched instantly. Soft tears surfaced. Yes, she knew now...Hayden was all she ever needed.

Friday, March 4, 2011

oops, there he went again

"Well, you didn't fuck her, here." At least Beck knew this much. He'd been undisturbed all night. He'd drank RED BULL nonstop. Hopefully, Liam didn't notice the slight shake he held inside him. He was half sick with a cold. But other than that, he was fine. He could only listen to so much RUSH, and he still hadn't gotten to that paper that was due today. He yawned as he gazed at Liam.

Beck couldn't decide if he were in love with his roommate or just wanted to be his bestie. It would be the latter because Beck did best to worship him from across the room instead of invading his space.

"No, not here." Liam shook his head. It was as if he were numb now. Or perhaps his head was somewhere else. "It was a house." Liam winced hard. "An abandoned house.....I guess."

"Huh." Beck slightly sighed. "So what kind of looker was she? You know, boobs? Tight ass, you get my meaning?"

"Shut it, OK?" Liam scowled then and fell back once more on his pillow. "Its not about tits or ass, you fuckwad."

"Sorry." Beck bit his bottom lip. "Just..never mind." He turned back to his lap top. It was true, he might as well be a mole burrowed up in this trash can. "You love her, I get it. I guess." Although, he couldn't say he'd been in love. Or was he? The only love he felt deep inside of him was for Liam. And he'd so hate for his mate to be hurt. Crushed.

He was in a vacuum, in a sense. All this he had to keep from him. It was an awful mess. He kept trolling for pictures on his dashboard. This time American Idol. He just needed something new to love.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

a bad beginning

Liam was sure she'd done something to him. Just sure of it.

Had Mia been a figment of his imagination?

Well, he'd gone to bed with her, but woke up without her.

"Just how did you meet her, again?" Beck wanted to know. After all,  he was Liam's college roommate who never went to class, but stayed to himself, mostly. Yet, here he was awake and wanted the whole story.

"You know, the party?" Liam fell back on his thin bed. His locks of bright auburn hair casscaded around him. He nursed his bottom lip. How had it happened?

"What party?" Beck festered a perturbed look as he went back to  his laptop to press forward another Tumblr picture.

"Didn't you go?" Liam winced. "You were the one who wouldn't shut up about it." It was only twenty-four hours ago that Beck kept persisting how fantastic the party would be. Booze, drugs, girls, sex, the works. How could Liam not go?

"Of course not." Beck rolled his eyes at that. After all, he was a hermit of sorts. Took online classes. He avoided most people like the plague. Had Liam forgotten that?

"I'm telling you, we fucked." Liam knew. He could sense it. Even now. Even so cold. She was tattooed in his brain. The touch of her skin. Her scent. So faint. He didn't want to forget.

"Who fucked?" Beck scowled.

"Jesus, can't you be a mate, when I need one?" Liam jerked himself up. This was nonsense. Truly. But unbearable. It was so real. She was. But now, he had nothing to claim it. Not even a phone number.

"Her name is Mia." He sighed, heavily. Now his body ached for her. "Why did you ever let me go to that party?"

He looked at the back of Beck's fuzzy head. It was as if Beck had hoped for this.